All a bit too much

Looking back through my past posts made me realise that it has been a pretty good year health-wise. It’s helpful to remember at this point – the past couple of months have been much more difficult.

My blood sugars have been uncontrollable and I’ve had a horrible RA flare. For some reason, all my routine appointments have fallen in this part of the year and I feel like I spend my whole time arranging childcare so I can go and sit in waiting rooms. I’m so lucky to have friends and family who will take care of Tiny and Small for me. But often I end up feeling bad for asking, which adds in to the pile of unhelpful thoughts that have been swimming around lately.

This post is a bit of a moan, but if I’m not honest about how life is, this whole blog exercise seems pointless!

This morning a lovely friend texted and asked to pop in. It felt like the answer to a prayer I couldn’t bring myself to utter. I just needed to talk to someone. My brain was in overdrive and my body feels exhausted. She faithfully reminded me that although life feels crap at the moment, it hasn’t always been this way, and this phase will pass as well.

Tiny looked at my tear-drenched face, puzzled. “Mummy’s sad?” she asked. I pulled her to me for a hug, and though she squirmed to get away, it brought me such solace. My friend reminded me that Tiny is the longed-for miracle that I thought we would never have.

Life isn’t perfect, but I have two precious gifts that remind me every day that I must step out of my own difficulties and worries. When I remember that and focus on their needs, that feeling of being completely overwhelmed dies back a little, if only for a while.

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