I have noticed a pattern emerging as my physical health improves after a difficult period. Every time I get more physically able to ‘do life’, I find my mental state takes a bit of a dive. The last few weeks have been great for me physically – I’m able to walk a lot and am not horribly tired all the time. But my mind has been full of worry and I’ve been feeling pretty negative. I have been snapping at the children and then feeling bad that my focus is on my thoughts, rather than whatever it is we are doing together.
The first few times I experienced this, it really took me by surprise. I would find myself struggling with anxiety and a general feeling of discontent with my life, and then be annoyed with myself about it. I felt as though I was being selfish – I should have been enjoying my newfound freedom and making the most of it, but instead I found myself feeling quite sad and frustrated.
However, when I started to see that it happened every time I saw an improvement in my symptoms, I decided to reflect on it. Perhaps after a long period of dealing with pain and just ‘getting through the day’, my mind finally has space to process all the other concerns and issues that it just didn’t have capacity to deal with before. It’s like thoughts have been backed up in a queue and once the blockage is gone, my mind is flooded with them. It can feel quite overwhelming.
Since realising that it’s just something that happens to me, I’ve been much better able to deal with it. I try and let friends know about it and talk through some of the issues my brain is trying to unravel.
I would be interested to hear if anyone else has shared this experience – it’s not something I ever see discussed on forums, etc, so I would love to hear from anyone who has felt this way!